A Dwarf Without a Compass

I am not finished

Thoth,

My life has become complex. Death has been waiting for me to pass through the gate one last time and now this happens. One day I was jesting with my mates about not resting til the dead stay dead. I believe the phrase was “When the dead stop getting up, that’s when you can rest.” It was light and hearty. We had just defeated a necromancer and traveling the jungle and getting the hell out of there when a message came to the priest. It told us that there was going to be a series of disappearances of CrIsis. The Agent was going to have his way with us.

What happened next I cannot explain. I disappeared first. I do not recall the horrors that befell me but I am sure that my nightmares are going to seem like a walk in the park if it ever comes out of my mind what I witnessed for the next week. I do recall that they boxed my ears so that I was deaf and blinded my eyes by punching my face repeatedly. The boxing didn’t work entirely. I had hearing in one ear and I could Mary being viciously raped and tortured while they were beating me. Apparently it was meant that we would witness each others fate because part of her screams were for me and the others were for herself. I don’t know what was said or to what extent we were abused when I reappeared in the company of my friends.

I thrashed about and in my confusion (being deaf and blind) it was Tyvernos’ touch that allowed me to gain some sense that a friend had touched me. When I finally relaxed, I was weeping like a babe. My Mary was gone again. I didn’t know if I was still in a nightmare as I was racked with torment for my wife. I wanted to be a hero but my physical alement prevented me. I could only recall that after the teleport to the Agent I was seized and bounded to a table and the most horrible things done; but that was past now and I was again Overkill of CrIsis.

My friends gave me comfort and healing and asked what had happened I picked my brain as best as I could only to come up short. Most of my memory is darkness mixed with screams and pain. I knew that Tyvernos was next and that they said that it was going to happen on the morrow. Then Mary magically appeared. I was so happy. She looked like a bloody angel covered in either her or my blood. She had gone the rounds with the devil and had survived. When she saw me, she could only seek to hold me and weep. Pain of my wounds were drowned in the comfort of my love. Apis has blessed us this day.

That was a couple of hours ago. I don’t know who I am right now. Beside me is Mary sleeping on my bed roll under my winter coat acting as a blanket. She wakes occasionally screaming from the nightmare that was the occupation of The Agent. I occasionally stroke the little tuft of hair that I wove of our little one in deep thought thinking.

So Thoth, who am I supposed to be. No one in CrIsis has ever found peace. The closest has been Gavin and he is under house arrest and in fear. I want so badly to just take Mary and leave but to where and for what purpose? I don’t feel like a dwarf, I feel like a chicken. You have already seen me in heaven and the gods have returned me six times. Shall Mary and I ever know peace. Shall we, oh god of knowledge, know a place to call home. Are we doomed, oh Thoth, to die like many other members of CrIsis to run from the agents of evil? Shall we lose face with Isis and Ra and be forever banished? There are shrines dedicated to our honor but you know me Thoth, let the honor be the gods; let it be said that you made a good choice of who to represent you and that your scion finished the race and the victory was claimed. Am I finished or need you more of me?

We are now cleaned up and as I sit here in prayer stroking Mary’s golden hair watching her sleep, the tears are running down into my beard. Oh god of knowledge please grant me knowledge and wisdom. I want what is best for Osiris but also for my precious.

Amen.

Overkill.
Written by Overkill on the 2nd of Majestic the 1st year of King Wilgan.

Picture from Kelly M Bennett.