Can I Trust Myself? Can I Forgive Myself?


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| Reader Note: This has been
| sent to Brother Malkin, chronicler.
| At the Library of Bletherad.
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Good Master Chronicler of Light,

Our return to Rogtilda saw my crew in a war to defend our ship from ReSet! At least we were prepared with spells and mystical buffers to our normal abilities. Seeing the mob fighting brought back shock of the mob during the Lopanic Games when the demons were brought in by our arch nemesis group. A cry from our ship’s lookout directed my attentions to events and not the shaken feeling that often accompanies a teleport. Lord Raulf went to deal with boarders while I attempted to try and put everyone on the docks to sleep before they did each other more harm and force the city guard of Caer Itom to have more work than it already does wrangling this monstrous sized city!

Alas, our arch nemesis group’s Psychic picked me up the way I have seen Master Asher do it before and tossed me overboard! With the ability to Battle Casting I readied Callandor and cast a Swim as Fish spell. Good, Master Chronicler, could continue masking Callandor in the texts as Uraeus’ Fang until our bonding is done, please?

You still feel the need to protect me?

Did you forget when Bishop Rose Nodeki held you? I could feel that, so as much as I am protecting you I am protecting the part of me that is becoming a part of you as well. My change in behavior may be an unintended side effect of casting a Ritual of Legend, I am not completely sure?

Oh! I had not thought of that, your insights may take longer but are no less powerful than those you look up to.

We are digressing, trait I feel we may share now. I swam under the waves and held you in my teeth as I climbed onto the docks slowly. Covered in refuse and bilge water from the ship masked anything that might give me away. For some reason fate had smiled upon me as the docks were clear save for a face. A face that I had seen briefly in ReSet’s last attacks upon us. As we closed I drew you from my mouth as I took the time to ready a spell of Death. When the psychic finally took notice and tried to flee it was to late for him. I gripped his head in the one hand that hid the spell’s effects on his body while I swung Callandor at his torso cutting him in half! I tossed the upper half into the water to make bringing him back difficult if not impossible.

That was a mighty blow!

That was murder. We justify our actions by saying if this person dies we prevent him from harming others and since we have established I can’t think of more ethical ways to deal with other killers I vent upon them what they vent upon the world, murder. When I noticed a few stray eyes I stripped naked and dumped everything into my satchel of holding. Then I changed into a large hawk and flew out to catch my ship, which had begun to break away and clear the dock, my satchel gripped in my taloned feet.

Once upon Rogtilda, the most selfless creature I had ever known, I heard about the death of the Troll via Zorrus, our Jeridu rigger. Having their numbers cut down by a third I am told they fled like cowards. Given how low I was on magic I am glad to see my companions, no wrong words, my friends are catching up on being able to defend themselves if I am not there to be the target of aggression.

Does that at least make you happy?

Great he has stopped talking so I am writing what I can feel. Over the next few days, 6th, 7th, & 8th of Algor anytime anyone tries to interact with Master Melancholy he was distant, barely responsive, and more melancholy than I believe the root of the word is capable of.

Huh, I am not sure what day it is currently but Rogtilda has alerted a member of CrIsis that he feels sick. Honeysuckle is making crude jokes about Master Sister Caminata, somehow using the Lawgiver’s Member to heal the ship. Someone lead me to the chapel where all the iconic figures, and even her Horus’ Day Ash Tree is glowing. I am going to watch everyone pray their is no sense in angering the Lawgiver with prayer of the unclean. I don’t want to offend him during a display of his grace unto the mortal realm.

Great he is starring off at a wooden joint in the ceiling of the room.

SNAP OUT OF IT!

It is now night of the same day, I believe, my head is foggy. However, reading over the text above I can see why Callandor was worried and I think I felt concern from Magos. It would seem one can only stare at a wooden beam for so long before people begin to notice your preoccupation, one non-wizards and those not suffering melancholy would find disturbing. I vaguely remember Lord Raulf and Master Jershon talking to me, but I could not even begin to remember why I was depressed after Master Burlap was done talking “at” me. Then Lord Raulf finally got me to remember I had not been living up to the code of chivlary the old Dwarf and Elf Palladins used to swear by. He started reciting it and all those times learning it alongside Zeelik came flooding back. I began recanting it. I also remembered what my father said about his choice to go to Troker.

Next day we were attacked by a Horned Ramrod! The blasted Sea Serpent knocked Jinx overboard and swallowed him whole! I wheeled the ship around and evaded the beast from trying to sink us when I was informed of “Man Overboard!!” Barking out orders to “turn about” and “ready the deep boom barrels” to which Master Sister Caminata went to get ready. Her shot was so perfect we were able to rescue Jinx from the creature’s belly while Mistress Annenwen was able to hook the carcass and draw it up for trophies and food! Master Sister Caminata got one of the horns which I think would make a great staff for her. Master Jershon says a storm is coming in tomorrow so I will write again once we dock in Mishala in a few more days.

Here’s praying the next few days provide me answers to whether I can trust myself and forgive me as well,

Xerx’ses Goldenhorn,
War Wizard of CrIsis,
aka: Captain Osric Orghallar of Rogtilda


>> Written by Xerx’ses Goldenhorn, written in breaks from the departure at Caer Itom upon the 5th of Algor till after the Sea Serpentl upon the 13th of Algor, 71st Year of the Wolfen Empire, 3rd year of King Guy the First of the Timiro Kingdom, 344 year of the Dominion of Man, and 24th Year of the Western Emperor Voelkian Itomas II. <<


Rod Rambler picture by AZ-Rune Art, commission him at artist@agodrebuilt.org
Member credit on Item Page.

One Response to “Can I Trust Myself? Can I Forgive Myself?

  • I enjoy a complex character, one that grows and defies all attempts to classify himself. Categories should only touch the surface of the depth of thought for him. My notes are done often in an outline fashion and then used to jog my memory, so I need to write soon after the game. This helps the jogging of memory before I forget details. Alas, I always forget something I – as a player or character – didn’t find noteworthy.

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