Damn Humans Can’t do Nothing Right!

Gavin on the Menu

Well I’m just going to say this last trip was insane, first we run into four ships. And instead of them being pirate lo and behold poof they’re not. So we dodged a small bullet. Actually I’m pretty sure the dwarf pirate was thinking “Poop no more loot!” So since they weren’t pirates we got an escort instead. And before you ask NO IT WAS NOT A PROSTITUTE! It was a ship type escort you dirty minded bastards!

Once we arrived in port I had a human bow to me in respect and I acknowledge him and his respect I was quite astonished. We went and donated sixty thousand gold at the local church to help the victims of pirates, but I told them to keep half in this territory and donate the other half in the Eastern Territory and told them to say that the gold was given by Crisis Management. I figured it’d make so many rumors fly around from word of mouth our enemies wouldn’t be sure where we were. After all people always get things muddled when passing stories along. So any of you pesky enemies good luck on finding us after that gold gets our names out there among the pirate victims.

So then Rell bartered for a wagon and off we went. To the First Pyramid of Osiris and let me just say I was unimpressed, but my compatriots were like a herd of country bumpkins all with their jaws dragging the ground. We went and got a nice little blessing to send us on our way and a tad bit of information. Then the really fun part came trying to open those chests from the pirate ships and wouldn’t you know it I got to see a nice fireworks show and get a cool Holy Sword in the Cracker Jack Chests we got. A show and prize to boot, can’t beat that let me tell you!

So onward we went to the town of Sims and let me tell you, don’t ever let a human child out of your sight with a fist full of gold. Cause then he comes back with three hundred slaves and ends up letting em all go except a few. Then I go and rile em all up and get them ready for battle by going to a weapons smith and getting them a bunch of fancy weapons so they can fight hard and what happens the boy goes off and lets the rest just walk all over him. Worse yet then the boy does the stupid thing and chases after the Orcs! I’m a Wolfen, I’d pick the strongest among em rip his throat out with my teeth and nip that in the bud. But ya gotta make sure you challenge em one on one cause taking em all on at once is a suicide attempt that I wouldn’t try.

Which brings me to the poor human child brought to me dead and beaten, right then and there I knew he was dead for good. Cause my luck really sucks when it comes to the gods. So I put my hand on his head and pray and then go yep he’s a goner. Wouldn’t you know it the gods brought the little tasty morsel back to life. There is a bunch of gods after all! But dang it now I gotta go with plan B, when it comes to the goods I bought. Now wouldn’t you like to know what plan B is? Well tough tomorrow is another day.

Posted by Greldarr on the 15th day of Majestic in in the 67th year of the Wolfen Empire.

Orc picture courtesy of Wizards of the Coast

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