How Rell Changed

The Bracelet


From the Journal of Rell, written using Eastern Phonemes and Fairyspeak words.

Dated this 10th day of Majestic in the 340th year of the dominion:
He gave me a present today. I don’t know how I can handle all of this. It’s not that I’m attracted to him, as such, just that I find it increasingly difficult to act out the part I gave myself in this party.

I look at the bracelet on my wrist, and increasingly I find myself reminded of the words that Apis told me when I first joined the party. I was told that I needed to bring compassion into CrIsis. Could it by that she knew me all along. That she knew this role fit me better than the one I’d worn my entire life?

For now, I hope to simply make my way forward with these people and not make any waves.

Dated this 15th day of Majestic in the 340th year of the dominion:
I find myself increasingly distracted by Chip. He is a whoring, self centered, brash man, but that doesn’t change the fact that he is pleasant to look at. Just last night he spent the entire night in the Inn with a slave of all things. A slave. It tore a piece of me out, and I even considered throwing the bracelet into the woods. For a moment.

The bracelet itself is more than it seems, however, and I feel that it’s use might outweigh my current disgust over who Chip is.

How could I have ever thought that…

I must put this up to the idle fantasies of a disengaged brain.

He would never see me as I myself am only just beginning to, and it would be only to satisfy his idle curiosity that we would be getting together.

Dated this 16th day of Majestic in the 340th year of the dominion:
I must stop this. He is taunting me, but it is I that am allowing him to be distracting. I have failed again and again in all of the tasks set to me by the group, as I continue to be distracted. I wish to tell him to put a shirt on, but he doesn’t care, and if I were to do something like that it would let him know that he is becoming interesting.

I’m not used to this, but I think that I was sent her for this reason if no other.

Apis had a lesson for me to learn, and only now, after the weeks I have spent in this CrIsis am I just beginning to understand.

Greldarr is beginning to become a person in my eyes. I know that I entered this with the decision not to treat any thinking being differently than another, but Greldar was the hardest for me in this regard. He is wolfen, and almost stereotypically so. He talks about eating everything, and everyone, in sight.

However, he is a priest of Osiris. I can’t believe that he would have been chosen for this role if he was only a walking stomach.

Today, as I really considered his actions regarding the orc and gnome prisoners, I finally began to see. He has his own way of looking at the world, and in his eyes it is fair. He is trying to balance the world against the majority. Trying to stick up for those without another voice.

I can respect him for this.

Dated this 17th day of Majestic in the 340th year of the dominion:
I begin to be embarassed by Chip‘s actions.

He seems to be throwing himself at me, and while it is more distracting that his previous actions, it is even more turning me off of the man. How could I have ever thought the man attractive is beyond me. Sometimes I think that his co-pilot is the one in charge. No, I know his co-pilot is the one in charge.

One of these nights I think I might just have to allow him a moment so that I can remove the offending member for him. I have suffered worse louts in my youth, and I am sure that I will suffer worse in the future.

I am sorry to say that I almost gave in to him this morning. He would have spent himself, and then there would be no further mention of little chip in this log.

I still value myself enough that I couldn’t go through with it.

Besides, Apis would really have had something to say to me and I doubt any of it would have been good.

Dated this 18th day of Majestic in the 340th year of the dominion:
I enjoy the life of a merchant. Could it be that I am destined to be a merchant’s wife.

I can’t believe I just wrote that. What am I thinking. I am a man. I must keep that in my mind. I must not give in to this softer side of my nature.

But Apis sent me to give in to it. I become more sure of that with each passing day. She wants me to bring peace to this CrIsis.

I am realizing that Gavin is the greatest source of dissension in the group.

While Greldarr has a dissenting voice, and a strong opinion, Gavin is one of the most argumentative little…

Thank Apis that I will never have children of my own, as were I his mother I might have ended him when he was born.

There, again, I find myself referring not with the masculine, but the feminine. I do not understand this. I thought the bracelet might be affecting me, as I’d heard some jewelry does, but an entire day without it did not change anything in how I reacted to the world.

I sold a good portion of the load of cargo that Greldarr picked up in Sims. The rest of the group had gone in search of Father Morgan while the quiet one, Mary, and I sold the wares. Mary was a great help in this, and I bartered better than I have in my entire life.

Father Morgan and the rest of the group returned later in the day, and the priest told us about the location where the caravan was attacked.

There is something about this that does not quite fit. Something he said, that I don’t quite remember. Something about a curse.

Posted by Rell

Bracelet by Exotic Excess.

 

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