Meditation on Reaching the 11th Circle of Enlightenment


I’m becoming entirely too martial in my attitudes. The stress of living under constant threat from the Agent, that evil jinn, is taking it’s toll. Azariel has summoned a demon, and not just one, but three. He banished the first two, but he set the third to menial tasks. We are fracturing. Not as a group, but internally.

While I know that a demon is evil, can I really have an issue with a demon bound to a good task. He was not allowed to kill, or corrupt. He was bound to write out scrolls.

I worry about my soul in this world of magic. I’ve made use of it, and bent it to my will, in the past, but I need a way to prevent that magic. I have a feeling that there is a spell waiting for me to take up, one that will stop these casters in their tracks…but I have not the will power necessary to cast it.

I need to be able to prepare it before hand, to put my will into paper and to draw it out again. Only then will I be able to feel truly safe. When I can end magic around me I will be able to better serve the will of my lord, Ra.

Am I truly glorying his name? I feel so. I feel that I am becoming a fire of righteousness, devoting my life to the justice that is Ra. However I know that I am not the final arbiter of justice, and I am not the final word in what this group should be doing.

I feel that I am coming into conflict with the other members of CrIsis when I should be preventing conflict. My job, given of Apis, was to be a mediator. Is there a better way to do this?

Caminata also suggests that she should reduce conflict. Does CrIsis corrupt the gentler natures of its members?

I _am_ becoming too martial in my attitudes.

I must become martial to survive in CrIsis. The Agent is not the only source of conflict that we face. The Tezcat necromancer was not in league with the Agent, or not as far as we know. An we have frequently fought foes.

But, is conflict the best way to remove ourselves from every conflict?

I tried to intimidate an ugly fairy. The word fair derives from them, so I expect them to be pleasant of feature, but this thing was not pleasant of feature or behaviour. Still, throwing them to the ground with my telekinesis was not the best way to handle them. Attempting to intimidate them wasn’t either.

I am becoming a kobold.

It is the base part of my nature, where I keep my pettiness and my conniving nature. It is my sneakiness and my deceit. I would not tell Indaris this, not for anything, but he begins to resemble a kobold in my eyes.

I roll my eyes at the thought. Xer’xses has created his own insults. He considers physical stature to be the basis of judgement on whether a gentle-being is worthy of respect. He is young and welcome to his foibles of judgement. How can I excuse myself the same?

I’m not young, and haven’t been young for a very long time. There is no excuse for me now, in the sunset of life, to begin acting brash and impulsive. I can’t even excuse this behavior on hormones like those ramaging through the minotaur’s body.

I must balance my understanding and my compassion with my newfound martial tendencies.

I must stop trying to intimidate those around me.

Apparently the only member of CrIsis for which I do not fear is Overkill. He has seemingly made peace with his demons, and he now, fully, relinquishes his Pirate past. Could it be that meeting again with his lovely ship-mates has allowed him to atone for something of which we know not?

Caminata has called me to task, making Witch’s Bottles, something I should have done long since. In response I will create gems that eat the fire around a person. I will be redeemed, and I will progress in my devotion to Ra and my task from Apis.

These are not inimical to each other, as Apis has only called me to sow harmony in CrIsis. Woe betide our enemies. Mercy is for the righteous.

Thoughts recorded by Asher

 

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