URSUS ASKS FOR ADVICE

…why has he never done this before?

 

5th of Seha, 4th Year of the Rebirth, Holy City of Khemennu

 

My Liege, King Dude,

 

It is most excellent to hear that you are well, especially since we heard about the Monster invasion of our little Kingdom. It is most regrettable that CrIsis wasn’t there to help defend our adopted home. Not to belittle how important Timiro Kingdom is; however, We have spent the last year melting our balls off in Hades retrieving the Skull of our Lord & Savior. Trust me when I say I would take a holiday in the Yin-Sloth Jungles over any day in Hades.

 

 

We are about a day out of Khemennu, I am unsure if you will be there when we arrive, I have not heard yet if you plan to join for the Ceremony to Rebuild Lord Orsiris. I thought you might appreciate a first hand account of what CrIsis has been up to in the last month or so, instead of getting it second paw from the Books.

 

Back on the 22nd of Thok Na, we were transported back from Hades, arriving in Yoghurt’s Tower, a year to the day from our departure and our exact embarkation point. It was a marked improvement of climate, even in the muggy pool known as Mishala. Totem immediately said a prayer to Anubis, of all the Gods, he was kind of trying to summon the Lord. And folks think I’m disturbed. He has fully embraced the whole Light & Dark are one, I am starting to follow the wagon, but there are somethings that can’t be forgiven…yet. Besides, if I’m all Light this Light that, how am I expected to be the DemiGod of Monsters? Some if not most are probably all Dark all the time. If I expect them to embrace me, I must also embrace them, regardless of who or what they are…there are exceptions though. If I ever get the power I will invoke an edict to rid this realm of all those disease ridden lycans forever. They will all die, by my hand alone if it must be that way. Well enough of that funny business. We, CrIsis, basically asked what to do about the Book of Names, it’s not like we can let Mangy have the thing. The Lord said he would get back to us…figures…of course, he may have my head for that comment.

 

Well, it was time to get moving, we all needed to bathe, everyone smelled like I do on a bad day…I smelt…um…something times…worse…imagine all the most rotten meat, eggs and sour milk, now pour it all together and leave it in the sun for a week, I still smelled worse. We all got tubs, luckily, they had a small pond for me (I think they saw me come in the door and quickly dug a giant hole in the VIP bathing area). I was still quite warm and asked the attendants for ice…lots and lots and lots and lots and lots…of Ice. They were all dumbfounded like they had never heard of such a concept as far fetched as “frozen water”. Heathens. Well FireStarter obliged me and froze my small pond solid with just my eyes and snout poking up…I was still so hot that it melted in mere minutes…the steam rising up caused some of the attendants to ran, the rest passed out. Firestarter, froze my pond…oops I meant “bath” solid again. It lasted almost an hour this time. Yoghurt regailed us with many a tale of the trials and tribulations of our realm in our absence. Timiro was at the top of the list, he also yarned about the Wolfen & Eastern both having agreements with the Gwaisol, I thought this was a sign of the apocalypse, but I could be wrong. There were other things, but I forget.

 

Bathing time was done. I busted out of the ice, a few icicles were dangling from fur and my bits. It felt awesome. Oh yeah, the Elf/Dwarf compound has been dismantled. We were told is isn’t needed anymore. We put on another impromptu concert of Sky Cap’n Willy and his monstrous minstrels. Of course it was huge, a new act was Totem juggling the jugglers while in turn they were juggling. Amazing. We also caught up with the Crew, whom were waiting dutifully in port. Of course they had nothing else to do as they had visited and been summarily kicked out of every bar, pub, drinking well in all of Mishala. We procured and packed provisions as they next day we had to sail for Llorn, which we determined was the fastest route to Khemennu and we also owed His Dukeness a long overdue “proper” visit. We sailed from the 24th of Thok Na to the 31st of Ka Da. Travel was mostly uneventful, what ever dumb creature that did attack us, ended up as our supper for the night. I am starting to get tired of calamari for dinner, need some more red meat. Totem, became aware that Amon was G.O.D. for most of that time. Wow they really are trying to embrace each other. Totem quipped about if fear is with us, then every else should be afraid.

 

Arrival in Llorn was with a sickening amount of pomp, circumstance and fanfare. Of Course, how could we argue, we basically owed the Dukeness. Upon reaching him, we all gave deference to his station. I decided to offer greeting that is traditional amongst my Kin, as traditional as I just made it up on the spot. I was really acting on the theory/joke that the stench from my pits could clear the Dukeness nasal passages and cure his “impediment”. Well I gave him a nice gentle Bear hug and because of his stature was able to get his face right into my left pit. Well it was a bit much and he fainted. For mu troubles, I was pin cushioned by about…um…a googol, I think. Well, Totem and Lightweight once again saved me from certain itchyness from all the needles poking out of me. He calmed the crowd, The Dukeness was aroused and we departed for more private meetings. Totem & Firestarter soon realized that something really was wrong with him, they diagnosed that he had a Raksasha fur buried deep in his sinus cavities. Yeah this was bad, but they fixed him. He is down right understandable now. No real nasal sound at all…almost. That night there was a massive party, for once I forgoe the festivities and instead communed with the beasts of the night. I ran around in the woods scaring all the little woodland beasts. It was fun and I hadn’t been able to do anything like that since before I joined CrIsis.

 

1st of Seha, a small brigade of pilgrims, soldiers and general tourists go marching out of Llorn headed for Khemennu. CrIsis leads the way, these good folk don’t deserve to be mauled or maimed just for following us to the Grand event. Oh yeah, The Dukeness gave a Battalion of his finest Infantry as protection as well. Are travels were mostly uneventful. A few skirmishes, but they all ended up fodder at our feet. No civilians were lost, but some od the soldiers paid the price. All told we lost over a hundert (I think that is what the Commander said) to the protection of the pilgrims on the way to Khemennu.

 

The most interesting event was the Canyon, I really don’t know the name of the canyon and no one told me, so I will call it Clueless Carl Canyon, cause that is where he died. I really should explain. We approached the canyon and it was so obvious a ambush trap, that Cap’n rode high (and high) in the sky to scout. Well he was fired upon by about a toothand spears and rocks, he narrowly missed. He returned and reported the fact that Mangy (well Clueless now), had ammased an army of Giants, Toothand to be exact. Well Lightweight hatched a truly Ratel like plan to help defeat the Army. Basically, Cap’n, Lightweight and Firestarter would fly well above the army, “dangle” Light just above “firing” range and he would Public speak the Giants back home. As they got setup, all manner of projectiles were hurled at them. Everything missed. Light bellowed out how Clueless was trying to obtain the book of names for his own gain and bring about the demons that had just recently tried to usurp the Giant kingdom. It was like we had that single black spade up our sleeve, for all Toothand Giants decided to just walk away. The one carrying Clueless, dropped, well threw, him unceremoniously to the ground with a rather loud thud. In the mean, Totem, Juggler & I were traipsing our way slowly to the sight of the army. Juggler was clinging to my back like some baby chimp on his Momma’s back. Totem was a cat so he was leaping and bounding…well…like a cat through the crags. I was just taking a light stroll, well It seemed like it. As we arrived the Giants just walked right past us, a couple gave me a cordial ‘sup as we passed, I returned the greeting. Oh yeah ‘sup is basically the same as “Good morning to you good Sir” in Giantese. Well Clueless thought to take the advantage. Of course, he is clueless. While most of CrIsis kept him busy up front, Light was behind, as Clueless attacked us FIRST (Just want that to be clear), Light attacked with one of his über-monk attacks. well this one was über-über. It cut Clueless in half. Problem solved. Although Cap’n died; however, he was brought back so all good. Clueless problem took care of it self I guess. Oh well. We got the rest of the pilgrims ushered through the canyon and back on the path to Khemennu.

 

On the 21st of Seha, we requested Anubis, he showed. With the Clueless problem solved, he asked for the book. Cap’n asked WWTD. Well he paryed it actually and Thoth showed up. T & A had a little tit for tat after Thoth told Cap’n to give it to Osiris after he returns. Both leave. after they are gone and we no longer need Clueless, we sacrifice the two halves to them in respect. Head to Thoth and ass to Anubass, I mean Anubis. Yeah, he will have my head. Oh well. I did participate with Totem in both sacrifices.

 

The rest of the trip was mostly uneventful and we are on the very outskirts of Khemennu, we will be there by morning. So to the advice I was seeking. Oh yeah I forgot to mention that didn’t I. Um, first I would like permission to leave Timiro as a citizen, as I wish to make my own Kingdom or land. The advice I seek is exactly how do you do that? I know you were basically handed a Kingdom, but I know that your wisdom as a ruler will help me to make decisions as to what to do. Oh yeah, once established, I plan to make Timiro one of the first trading partners for the new Kingdom.

 

Hope to see you in Khemennu and hope to get some wise advice.

 

Your Loyal Subject


Sent to King Guy, via Magic Pigeon, in the Timiro Kingdom and if he isn’t there, go to Khemennu, if not there, then go back to Timiro and wait for him there, you mobile snack.


King Guy pic by our own AZ Rune
Skull picture from Zanzo Arts

 

5 Responses to “URSUS ASKS FOR ADVICE

  • Don’t know which is my favorite, Anubass, Duke was aroused, or Clueless Carl Canyon. Great log!

    • Clueless Carl Canyon is my favorite.

    • I like Clueless myself. Because in the end he was.

    • So in a thousand years, what will the name “Clueless Carl Canyon” morph into? “Cluecar Canyon?” “Lesscarl” Canyon? If we ever pick AGR back up it’d be fun to see stuff like that.

      • It won’t be a thousand, but it will be a few hundred….

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