URSUS SENDS AN OFFICIAL SCOUT REPORT

OK, who gave him something “official” to do?

Sent on the the Fifths of Uk Sak, Year 2 of the Rebirth, 72nd year of the Wolfen Empire.

O-fish-all Scout report of Ursus Actos to Uncle General Tinor

 

Uncle General,

OK, lettuce tri this.

30th of Mesa:  Received you’re message and advice, planned in-filter-ration through unknown  doorway with CrIsis, rested till mornin

Thirst of Uk Sak, o6oo:  Through expert magic means, we are disguised as the living undead, will make pent-up-seration through passage, many groups of Living undead are carrying crates and bages of goods, we follow suit to blend in, a large group of some type of magic users are chantin in circle, unable to determine purpose

Thirst of Uk Sak, o8oo: Progress is slow, we are moving at living undead pace. We determine location for attack, Fancy Pant’s Mention, as weave bin here before, proceed to Mention.

Thirst of Uk Sak, 1ooo: Arrive Mention, scout Mention, surrounded by inner cycle minions, proceed to back entrance, determine plan for in-filter-ration, plan fails, battler ensews, rear guard is dispatched quickly, heads are smashed or damaged to prevent re-lifing, Godly follows EmEm & Dreamy Foxer as thesis enters 1st floor through winder. Totem Pole & PaPa scale wall or levitate to roof-top to attempt entry. After dis-bath-ing last rear guard, I scale wall.

Thirst of Uk Sak, 1oo1: reach roof, Totem & PaPa are not scene, many Magic users (more than I have fingers, toes and other appendickess) are on roof chanting, I attack, Evil Chanting BAD, VERY BAD


defiance-tooth-pic-verticalReally…REALLY…You think over 50 Magii, chanting in a language that hasn’t been spoken in over a millennia is a bad thing…NO SHITE YOU THICK HEADED BEAST”

 

 

Mr. Tooth, please I am trying to right an O-fish-all scout to report to my Uncle General.

OK, where was I? OH yeah. Attack Magii, 1 less than S0, at least I think that is right, counter attack by Magii, MASSIVE DAMAGE taken, must retreat, jump off roof and swing through terd stori3s winder


FolwinSkull-tiny
Aw, poor little teddy bear, are you afraid of the puny little magii’s?

 

 

FOLWIN SHUT UP, I AM DOING SOMETHING HERE, GREAT NOW YOU BOTH ARE HERE.

Please, Uncle General ignore my compartriates, I now what I am doing.

Back to it, Once on terd floor determine a plan.

Hey, OAF, you gonna tell him that I told you to do something about the Magii?

YES, MR. TOOTH, I was gonna, now would you just stop already, GEESH, I told you then & I will tell you NOW I HAVE A PLAN, or was it had? I change to FULL Bear and attack building structure trying to take down roof fast. PaPa is also working on plan, I guess he & Totem ran away also.

Is CrIsis all a bunch of sissy pant’s?

Listen here FOLWIN, IF you don’t shut the FRACK up I am gonna use Mr. Tooth to crush the rest of you. So, PaPa televates a large chunk of floor to the above the roof and lets go, circle is broken and it explodes huge, entire terd floor is demibolished, I go flying to other side of compound, that also hurt alot.

Other events as described by other Members of CrIsis: Godly kills alot of the inner circle minions on 1st floor; Totem & PaPa also kill some more of the inner circle minions; EmEm & Foxer race to deep dark cellar to take on Fancy Pant’s, after killing some more inner circle, Fancy Pant’s challenges EmEm, EmEm wins so fore there CrIsis wins. Oh yeah almost forgot, an Older Won inhabited the body of one of the slain inner circle, scared the bear shite of of me & chided us all for ruining his plan to come forth onto are realm, That’s not good…write?…

OF COURSE IT’S NOT GOOD YOU OAF, Apologies General for Ursus’ oafish manner in this report. I am trying to guide him, but his personality is extremely strong. I can only get a few snippets in here & there.

Thanks, Mr. Tooth, thanks alot for ambassadoring me in front on Uncle General.

Thirst of Uk Sak, 12oo: As we are trying to clean up any scragglers, We are complied by are Gods to NOT find the Tree, We leave FLEX & Kalruck behind, as CrIsis Embarrassers, to help the fried townfolks of Yogi-dreidel clean up the remaining Living Undead and rebuild there town, we walk out of town, meet you and you’re troops (Hey, nice to see East & North working together again…or is it for once?…), You ask for report right now, I tell you I can’t must go, ask for some more of you’re messenger scouts, you ask where Mine our, I tell you I am the Scout and Ranger Rick, you send a little Wolfer with us to take my report back to you, we travel many steps at the urging of Are Gods, we took a little side trip as Foxer I guess was really scared or just crazy, he went running away like super fast.

I KNEW IT, CrIsis is all a bunch of sissy pant’s?

Listen here Folwin, I WILL SWALLOW YOU AGAIN, is that what you want? Anyway, i am only won who can pace Foxer and I almost catch him, but he cheated, he televated to the tree tops. two can play that game, I climb a tree. NOW while most bears can climb tress, this one has been climb buildins alot lately and forgot how to climb a tree and fell OUT of said tree, well a knock to the head jogged my remebers of how to climb a tree, I reached the top and trys to get ahold of Foxer, but he doesn’t want to be got ahold off, but it seems my chasing him, made him not scared or not crazy, so he came back with me. Papa also chased, saw me on ground and decidess that this momentous needs paitin, so he does, we’s wait…and wait…and wait for him to finish. It is a really good paintin, I will show it to you sometime. To catch up to the rest I carry all and runs very fast to catch them, we catch up then meny more steps we rest for night.

Seconds of Uk Sak, 12oo: Raining all day, many many steps, don’t reach target, rest again.

Terd of Uk Sak, 12oo: Rain has stopped, many many more steps, end of day we reach crest of large hill, as the Sun sets, we see Mongo Not the Tree Golden Canopy, huge.

Forts of Uk Sak, 12oo: Not as many steps this time, Meet by Danzig scout from Tree, he leads us the rest of way, Ga-Nomes make there homes at base of tree in the ground, many lots of other creatures make FULL size homes in the branches of the tree, an Elfer and Ga-Nome exit the base of tree (the exit is big enough for even me to fit), lots of chit-chat of what we do to appease the Tree or what ever we are doing here, we give the Peice to the Elfer & Ga-Nome, they take it inside of Tree, Tree gives us some gifts.

 

END OF REPORT

 

Hey if you see are beloved Ansa before me, let her know I love her and can’t wait for the birth of are childs…OH YAH, BTW your gonna be a Grand-Uncle General, you did now…write?…

May Khonsu & All-Father  Bless you on your journeys,

 

 

 

 

 

 


Hand Delivered to General Tinor by Wolfen scout/courier.


Tinor picture previously referenced on this site.
Defiance Tooth drawing by AZ_RUNE
Folwin skull from Wikimedia Commons


 

6 Responses to “URSUS SENDS AN OFFICIAL SCOUT REPORT

  • I love that he thinks the Dwarf with the Elf at the tree’s base is a ga-nome. LOL!

    • Actually, slight error on the writers’ part, but too late to change it now. The “Ga-nome” is Ursus pronouncing the ‘G’ instead of it being silent.

  • This log’s mangled grammar amused me more than usual. I find it especially hilarious that these things seem to be getting “worse” while his skill keeps going up.

    I also envision the Wolfen scout pleading with Ursus to just dictate the events and he’ll write them. Ursus holds the quill in a closed fist, brow furrowed and tongue slightly out as he concentrates. “Nope, I got this!” He says stubbornly. The Wolfen sighs and shakes his head.

    • Yeah that poor Wolfen, What the hell did he ever so to Tinor to get stuck on this mission.

      Also, the sentiment that Ursus puts into this “rightin” wouldn’t come through if someone else wrote it. Plus the Whole Folwin & Mr. Tooth asides. Imagine Ursus telling the poor little Wolfen; “write it like I said, damn you, or end up like Folwin”

      • Somehow I do not think his uncle would be very happy to find out that his messenger was eaten.

        Your best log yet I love the voices in his head the mangled Spelling’s all of it is awesome

  • A great account of an amazing undead subterfuge plan in action!

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