Rell’s Female Soul

Grignak, Demigod of Freedom and Slavery,

Release me, I beg of you. I feel as though the heavens have closed against me and I am all alone. I am so lonely here, guarding the mortal body of Osiris, and I am tired. I truly feel that I no longer have the will to go on. So many who started this quest with me are dead. So many gave up the ghost so long ago.

Let me, also, pass beyond. Let me no longer wander this mortal plane. Let me quit this existence, for that which I am is wrong to that which I know I should be.

I have suffered at the hands of men. I was a slave, but I didn’t work. I was worked much like you were in the dungeon, but there was no pleasure in it for me. I was so young, so inexperienced in the world, and it would have broken me had not the pixies put me back together. Even now I wonder at which parts are me, and which parts were put there to fill the holes in my soul.

Or even to hide my soul away from myself.

I’ve locked away my knives because I seek to hurt myself. I seek to disfigure this face that ever made another look upon me in lust. I wish to cut and rend, so remove, to end, but for the time that I watch, for the time I remain a guard, I know that duty is above all, so I say again, release me.

Time has not been good for me. I know now what only began to be on the edges of my understanding while I traveled as a member of CrIsis. I know I am an freak. I am that which is not accepted by any I have met in my long travels before I met up with CrIsis.

I met a woman, once, during my travels as a collector. You could see it in her soul that she truly was female, but her body told a different story to those around her. So, she wore a costume to enhance her figure. To make her more appeal to the male of the species.

Appeal she did, enough so that a man not accepting when she declined his advances attempted to force himself upon her. He then attempted to kill her when he had her fully naked before him. The watch of the city he was in took him and the woman into custody. He tried to claim that because she wasn’t physically female that her attempt to seduce him had been the rape and not his actual attempt.

They called upon me to arbitrate the situation, and I fear that I failed her that day. The man was enslaved. The woman was required to present as male to the rest of the world. She hung herself in her cell with her dress that night.

Is this my punishment? That I too know that I am female, and yet my knowledge of unjust laws keeps me from becoming that which I know I should be?

I mourn the children I will never bear.

I should be punished, I deserve punishment, for even considering that I should be female, that one such as I, pretty though I may be, could even pretend that I am female, but my woman’s heart breaks every time I tell myself this, and I cry at night with nothing but the stars to see me.

I have loved as a woman loves a man. I would have given my soul to his keeping, but like many on this quest of the gods he died. I mourn for him as well. I mourn the life I would have lived if I had been born as my woman’s heart tells me I should have been born.

The gods releasing me from this quest undoubtedly saved my life, so I have lived at their pleasure, but I know that you return from hades, the quest is at an end, release me that I might join the members of our quest who died. Let me rest for I can’t, I shouldn’t be that which I know I need to be.

Let me leave on my own terms, Grignak. Let me finally rest.


6 Responses to “Rell’s Female Soul

  • Woah, that’s an unexpectedly dark side to Rell I didn’t expect!

    • It is, and it isn’t. There are a number of pointers to what is happening here before, and stress does strange things to people. This is not an end, but it is a severely depressed Rell.

  • I see it as he wants his Male form released, so his Female form can come forth. It might be a nice gift for this poor tortured soul.

  • This is a very powerful log, and I will see to it that Rell and Grignak, as well as any other members of CrIsis, past and present, get to talk in Khemennu!

    • KillerVP and I talked, with Xerx’ses I feel having earned the Minotaurs a second chance to become acceptable among the world his story is really done. Torrun, as a mythic level hero is still very interesting to forge ahead with. In Khemennu Xerx’ses will be there as a god holding Osiris’ banner awaiting his lord’s return. Osiris is the God of Law and Xerx’ses the God of Vows/Oaths/Promises. A good team indeed.

  • I am not sure I can add to the log conversation, a powerful piece and the #feels for Rell’s plight are strong. I just they can find happiness as we all look for.

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