The Return Of The Most Dangerous Man In The World

| Reader Note: This has been
| sent to Brother Malkin, chronicler.
| At the Library of Bletherad.

Good Master Chronicler of Light,

I apologize if three missives in two days from me appears as though a deluge of ramblings. I am sending this after the “Most Dangerous Man In The World” and I arrived via Teleport Spell to the Temple of Osiris in the the Holy City of Sekti-Abtu. When I stripped naked and changed back into my true form cries began going out about the hero, Master Jidian Kulder, and the Golden Minotaur of CrIsis on a quest together! This prompted a small potion from a priest of the Cult of the Great One that returned enough mystical energy to let me send this missive and hope my friends are in the special room their amulets take them to. Just so we are clear I did put clothing back on wearing my robes of the Tri-Arcanum Magic Guild and the Harness of Law since I was spent when it came to magic by sending this.

So let me explain how CrIsis, Master Tyvernos, Otto, and the “Most Dangerous Man In The World” acquired the Lawgiver’s Left Hand! Impersonated as a guest of a Western Noble House, Gioto! Slew Ammetti Besi, the Jotan Necromancer, and a powerful one I am told! Destroyed two buildings with a dagger! Decimated half the Brigade of Trade Port! And finally, how we escaped the Isle of the Cyclops, one of us for the second time!

3rd of Od, 343 year of the Dominion of Man, and 23rd Year of the Western Emperor Voelkian Itomas II.

As my last missive stated I had performed a Teleport: Superior, ritual with Masters Hasselthon and Fraevian. so they could assist me with a mystical pool I was uncapable of performing on my own. The ancient Elves only asked for some pieces of magic that did not survive the Millennium of Purification. I knew then that the Book of Shadows was going to be the deal clincher. I won’t rehash how hungrily their eyes devoured what they read upon the black parchment with silver inks. I was just happy they agreed to let me study the spells later for no charge. It was these learned wizards of the Church of Light that had confirmed Master Azariel’s position as the new “Whippersnapper” alchemist among those of the magical scholars working for the Light directly. I had thought to myself that I would have to find out how to join such an order if my Father had seemed so happy here. I even considered retiring here one day, provided my presence was not needed in the Wastelands of Baalgor to help other so called “Monster Races” wishing to pursue a path to the Light.

Thanks to my helm, when I re-appeared within Brother Indaris’ room my head was pressed against a beam of the ceiling. I was alone and cries of *“LAND HO”* could be clearly heard and followed by call outs to help with the rigging so we might dock smoothly. I had to change out of the Harness of Law and back to Osric Orghallar. I kept repeating that if I did not go through with this not only would I fail Heavenly Isis, but my Lord Lawgiver as well. We had to get the Lawbringer’s Left Hand back and get out alive! Frankly, Giants actually frighten me so I understand how short folk get scared just looking at me. Now I am sure being slain once by an Algor and his frost coated axe. Have not helped this fear, nor made my aversion to cold any better. Despite my fears I headed out to deck as the arrogant bastard I was to perform as till we accomplished our goal.

Good grief is it that big an Isis damn deal? I’m not sure which one of us has the bigger balls? In case you forgot whom that should be remember I’m a sword. Can you not feel Magos, helping your confidence to face an island of your worst fears? Do you even listen to your own words? You’re on a quest to restore a god of light and you’re worried about acting a part to trick evil? When Xerx’ses the War Wizard gets back please let me know because I am rather sick of Xerx’ses the apprentice of the snotty nose rag!

He is so lucky I don’t have time for a replacement parchment. However, some of what he says had merit and I walked on deck in the cold air as though it should get out of my way! Callandor upon my hip, I turned my Eternal Torch Ring around so it hid the symbol against my palm upon suggestion of Captain Antonio de Gioto. It was then I got one of two big surprises! A scruffy golden hair crewman I had not noticed earlier came up to me and without a care for the station I was attempting to portray whispered into my ear, “My name’s Jidian Kulder, Indaris has disguised my appearance in case you’re aware of me.”

The Most Dangerous Man in the World Returns!

I tilt my head down in an attempt for any onlookers to see politeness and reply in a whisper, “It’s Xerx’ses this is my Hooman disguise!” This time I saw the surprise in Master Jidian’s blonde haired, blue eyed, disguised face and we briefly clasp arms. Then we each realized the roles we were playing and returned to our stations accordingly. In the noble retinue of the Wizard, Osric Orghallar was:

his bodyguard and majordomo, Mudd,
his runner and secondary bodyguard, Jay-Z,
his Kobold page, Rehsa,
his Hobgoblin jester, Jagatta,
his Wolfen dog wrangler, Quingia,
and his two faithful dogs, wolves, whatever, Cammis, and Esson.

Stepping past everyone I made a mental note should someone be of smaller stature than my 6 foot 6 inch frame as Osric to ignore them unless station and appearance deemed appropriate (I’d have to guess at that point). What struck me as odd (in my noble persona I merely inclined an eyebrow), was the amount of Western Hoomans in Trade Port! Yes, I have finally seen my first Cyclops. Of the ten or twenty I saw among the thousands of Hoomans and a few Jotans. Most were dressed in either robes similar to many western noble fashions or armored to some degree. Those that were armored carried a small case of curved bone-like javelins upon their hip. I didn’t even need to be a wizard to know a lightning weapon and the danger it represented. I passed by the Hooman porters when using my Eyes of Thoth spell to read everything in this trade tongue. There was a predominance of Western Trade Tongue or Elven being spoken so I also cast a Tongues spell to make sure I could “fit in” with as little issue as possible. Being a western noble was an oxymoron of “blending in to be accepted” mixed with standing out so you’re above what I heard others call the “chaff of the lower class.” Seeing a sign for Elemental Transports I knew a noble would seek out such a method of travel to show off, so that became my destination.

It was not long before our disguises were put to the test when Quingia almost took an action without consulting me or Mudd, whom held his makeshift leash. I turned upon him as though being two and a half feet shorter than him was meaningless and raised a belaying pin I got from Captain ‘de Gioto aboard the Vequana. He reminded me of a few pointers dealing with monster slaves his family had seen as a regional, noble house among the empire.

“If you step out of line again I will take this rod to Mudd, for failing to manage you – DOG! Then I will give it to him to remind you of your betters.”

I wanted to throw up. However, two nobles walking by nodded their approval mentioning sparing the rod you spoil the slave. It’s an act, it’s an act, it’s an act I would say. The action had to do with coming across my second of the two big surprises. Master Tyvernos was right in front of me, inebriated upon some mushroom or drunk but he was naked on all fours and Otto was dressed in his clothes and riding him!

Good Master Gnome, you are quite amusing I should like to hire you alongside my jester. Please come with us.

I began to walk past him and left it to the others to convince him and Otto to come along. Later, as we arrived at the shop of Elemental Transports I glanced back and was relieved he was there. I left Quingia in Jay-Z’s care as Mudd accompanied me inside to make arrangements. There was a stern rebuke to behave while I was gone, and I prayed no one watched me swallow bile as I went inside. It’s an act, it’s an act, it’s an act I would say to stay the disgust I felt. Once inside the proprietor of the shop welcomed me and it was the first time I had to mention I was a first time guest to the Isle of Cyclops as a thank you from my patrons among the Gioto family. He seemed impressed by that and ran down my list of options. I mentioned to the proprietor of the shop that I saw an air elemental outside and would require one for the week. He seemed surprised I would notice one and glance at an associate I must assume was a warlock whom nodded. The price was 300 Western Imperials per day of use and must be release to return to the shop by midnight. I mentioned my need of it for the week and there would be a deposit of 300 Western Imperials with the remaining 1,800 due upon week’s end. When I tried to pay with and Old Kingdom Dragon Coin I was referred to the money changer down the street. It was then Mudd mentioned he was carrying (please understand I am writing this from the persona’s perspective not how I feel about Brother Indaris or his possessions) my Imperials. I remarked how he should have spoken up sooner as I had almost reached into my satchel for coin (or as the truth was the tiny amount of Western Imperials I had left).

When we came back outside the lot of them were standing around and whistling. I was so afraid of the answer I might get considering they remind me of when I tried to sneak extra food at home as a child. We made our way to the establishment offered by the proprietor as a good choice, the Windswept Inn. Everyone that worked there had a stylized “WS” either emblazoned on red and golden colored armor, or embroidered upon their uniforms. Uniforms that in other countries looked better than some nobles outfits! When the majordomo of the Windswept Inn met with us outside I recanted the same tale of my arrival I gave at Elemental Transports and that appeared to suffice here as well. He offered a Kennel for the dogs and my Wolfen slave which I graciously had Jay-Z lead them to the Windswept’s handler and they were off. Apparently, the Festival of Set runs for two weeks on the Isle of Cyclops and even in ALL THE ISIS DAMN SNOW it goes on and on! The majordomo of the Windswept Inn mentioned their were only two rooms left and surely I would not wish to sleep with my servants. My reply was thus:

Good sir, the fact that you suggest the option makes me question your breeding!

This time Mudd was on point and paid to the 4,900 Imperials to the man, whom was profusely apologizing and offered a seat at the head table tonight and this dinner was comped by the Inn for his mistake (the fact such bad behavior can be considered a way to get free gifts is what rots Western Nobles). On the way to our rooms, Jagatta, warned me the hooman soldiers we had been seeing were from the Middle Kingdoms of the Empire. I warned him back in whispers as well to be on the look out for Lady Daera Kaze of ReSet. At dinner that night, I verbally sparred with the worst of what the social elite had to offer. My companions were able to determine that not only do the Cyclops supply the Western Empire lightning weapons, however, they are also supplying the Middle Kingdoms to prolong what will be a bloody civil war since both side will wield such devastating power. It will be an orgy of blood!

That night was the worst of my life! Being hated is one thing, living with knowing you come from evil of such caliber that you are the boogeyman in stories the short folk tell their young about is still bearable. What I found disgusting was the way I had to treat other people, I would never own a slave and to act as though someone was a piece of property. To be discarded without a moments hesitation was disgusting to say the least. I heard some of the soldiers outside my window that night singing a song and I listened using the magic spell I mentioned earlier. The soldier said to his few fellows stuck outside with him around the sentry fire that many folks changes bits to suit themselves. Even his version he mentioned was not the original. Here is the song with my few changes, and I shall likely learned it because it explains how convoluted I feel doing wickedness to promote good.

I’m just a poor wayfaring wizard,
While traveling through this world of woe.
Yet there’s no sickness, toil or danger,
In that bright world to which I go.

I’m going there to see my brother
I’m going there no more to roam
I’m only going over Ma’ip
I’m only going over home

I know dark clouds will gather ’round me
I know my way is rough and steep
Yet beauteous fields lie just before me
Where the redeemed shall ever sleep.

I’m going there to see my mother
She said she’d meet me when I come
I’m only going over Ma’ip
I’m only going over home

I want to wear a crown of glory
When I get home to that good land
I want to shout CrIsis’ story
In concert with that blood-washed band

I’m going there to meet my Saviour
To sing his praise forever more
I’m just going over Ma’ip
I’m just going over home

I hum it quietly to myself and eventually sleep takes my eyes and coats them in the darkness of the winter, nighttime sky.

4th of Od, 343 year of the Dominion of Man, and 23rd Year of the Western Emperor Voelkian Itomas II.

I awoke on the floor with the multitude of fur blankets wrapped and tangled upon my eleven foot tall form. Brother Indaris, or Mudd, was there with a cup of hot, honeyed, herbal tea and fruit. Master Burlap had tasted it, or ate a fair share before declaring it safe for the “Master” to consume. I activated the amulet and was Osric once more before I took the beverage and thanked him. Dressed, fed on a substantial portion of food and still no idea where the Necromancer lived I was informed Jay-Z was out in this blizzard, scouting. For a tiny moment I was worried about him and then reminded myself this was the “Most Dangerous Man In The World” and he had survived going to the “LAND OF THE DAMNED” and returning! The group decided we needed a tour of Trade Port and a blizzard would help hide our scouring the city for the Necromancer.

Jagatta and Mudd came behind me as I went to set up the tour. During my discussions with the Windswept Inn’s majordomo, Jagatta, stepped out of line interrupting me and acting as though his input mattered, which as a disguised slave I almost thought of a way to brush off but then he grabbed my robe to point out something to me. To keep the disguise up I had to punish him quickly for a show of force before anyone questioned us and our disguise.

I kicked him, hard.

Reminding him of his place with my foot on his face I let him go and then grimaced as I talked aloud, “because good food tasters are so hard to find.” I knelt down and cast a Greater Healing spell upon him then told Mudd to deal with him. They were gone long enough for me to arrange a tour of the seedier side of Trade Port via an Ogre named, Peach. Well his skin tone was peach alright but his gravely voice and demeanor were the “pits” as the Ogre himself remarked.

The only facts of note I learned about Trade Port is that it was established by the Western Empire itself as a free trade port with the giant nation on the island. There are eight Wolfen (all ex-gladiators) that live on the island and are free citizens. There are some Jotans and Nimro giants that live here as well but this is predominantly a human port of call to allow a peaceful area of trade between two empires. The only underbelly fact I remember is that there are four necromancers that reside in Trade Port, two of which are Jotans. He said the others name but when said Ammetti Besi’s name he said a prayer to Anhur to protect him against his enemies. *Great!* I thought to myself, evil people fear this dark creature!

No sign of Jay-Z yet but when we return he is there in our rooms with dire news. The Brigade, or the law in Trade Port, had information leaked to them that, CrIsis, was here because they spotted Master Tyvernos and Otto with us. He sacrificed his Rune Arrow, Lithos, to have it change into a stone hailstorm and took care of half – yes, half – of the Brigade forces in a single shot of a Hail of Stones! In that single, selfless act he probably saved all of our collected lives! I am going to have to re-visit my stance on snow for without this blizzard we would be screwed!

If we want to get the hand now a frontal assault may be our only way. Cammis had managed to charm the druid animal handler and we got a guide to the building the Jotan Necromancer was in. Using the Lawbringer’s Right Finger I verified the location was correct. The Druid handler disappeared into the raging blizzard, as Master Tyvernos used various elemental powers to provide flight to a number of us as I was loaned Master Asher’s Gantrium Ring to bestow speed, armor, and giant strength upon our group so we could now go up against a giant and his friends. Master Asher was raised above the building and nigh invisible in the snow, however, I had an advantage being able to track those I had cast spells on or those with active enchantments within line of sight. Once he was in position Master Asher dropped Ra’s Will after just finishing casting Increased Weight upon it. It has now become a 1,300 pound dagger that shook the ceiling but when that failed to strike home I added the same spell making it 2,800 pounds and then doom befell a corner and two walls of the home. I never made it inside because as those that had called out the place was empty! I began tracking the large burst of magic casting and where it went verified by the Lawgiver’s Right Finger. When everyone called out the place was emptied all eyes turned to the shop the Necromancer owned next door. This time I saw Apis Horn drop with more force behind it and it completely leveled the shop. We followed next where the fingered pulled my arm as we just escaped the arrival of Brigade guards in dust, debris, and the blizzard!

The building we found was solid blood marble with only two doors, not having the time to set up again and keep the enchantments going we made a frontal and rear assault. Lord Raulf charged in with his great golden sword out after the engorged ant (it was the size of a baby horse), sent forth by Master-Sister Caminata. Wards obliterated the ant and a pittance of damage rolled over on to him. Trailing him was Brother Indaris and Master Jidian in flight with his bow of doom! Master-Sister Caminata and I went around through the back and this door was ward as well. Only through a great purchase of luck was I able to quickly throw myself in front of the elf and take the blast in full! By the time we had made it in the fight was over thanks in large part to Lord Raulf and Master Jidian! They cut he head off and the hand holding the sword the necromancer used. Brother Indaris gave his bag of holding to stick the head and hand in to prevent what ever dark resurrection death mages might be capable of.

Lord Raulf took the Left Hand of the Lawgiver and we made our escape plan. Everyone but Master Jidian and I used the Teleportation Amulets to take them to Sekti-Abtu, the two of us made it hot on our heels to the Windswept Inn. I gathered up my bags that had some special magic in them I could not afford (literally), to loose and then I took the gantrium ring and my talisman coins. As we could hear troops coming down the road I finished the spell and a grain of an hourglass later we were standing at the entrance of the Temple of Osiris and now we are full circle. I intend to let the Slayer of Mountains know about the Middle Kingdoms stockpiling their own supply of lightning weapons.

Till next time,

Xerx’ses Goldenhorn,
War Wizard of CrIsis,
aka: Captain Osric Orghallar of Rogtilda

>> Written by Xerx’ses Goldenhorn, upon the 4th of Od, 70th Year of the Wolfen Empire, 2nd year of King Guy the First of the Timiro Kingdom, 343 year of the Dominion of Man, and 23rd Year of the Western Emperor Voelkian Itomas II. <<

Rod Rambler picture from Nonsonogaia.
Alternate Jidian picture from Yama Orce.
Elf Wizard with Staff and Tome from Dragon’s Crown Wiki, owned by Vanillaware.
Elf Wizard with magic aura from Isalie, owned by Konami.
Osric picture from Game Art Post.
Cyclops picture from Casey Love Designs.
Tyvernos and Otto picture from Syreene.
Wayfaring Stranger Lyrics from Wikipedia.
Trade Port map from PFRPG® Book 3: Adventures on the High Seas™.

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