Euphoric Oric or the Wind Blows the Bellows Below

Bernard in Mourning

Mum, Da, pleeb halp! Not two days ago I prayed the following prayer to my patron.

Dear Lady, wreathed in flames, Fiery Phoenix be thy name. Your humble scion asks for guidance. We have hunted minions of the Darkness diligently and with steadfast resolve for years. We meet with frustration as they stymie us at every turn. These vile creatures are all in possession of teleportation amulets that give them an avenue to escape our vengeance. I am your humble crusader. Please, enlighten me as to how CrIsis may impugn and frustrate their favorite route of escape.

I miss the warm hearth of home. The fires that ever-blaze beneath roiling cauldrons of hearty stew. I miss my old room, my bed, the pleasant dreams I once had there. The weight of duty is pressing squarely upon my wee mantle. Moreso now than ever before. How did the Defilers do it? How did they remain committed to their goals when their loved-ones were at risk and when their friends and families were endangered by merest proximity and happenstance? I fear for you guys. Mom, Dad, we recently got word from the Agent of Anubis that Oric Bellode has been killed. Though it shouldn’t come as a surprise it still hurts. I mourn his loss in my own way — with the bag of skunkweed he bequeathed to me before he was abducted. I have fought and seen this Agent. I was there when he took Oric and Otto and I stood up to him, unafraid, and struck down his minions. I returned to you and dad to nurse my wounds but the memories run deeply.

We’re in the now empty cave of a Tezcat Necromancer bitch who just fled. I can’t say the world is any better a place for having this god-forsaken jungle harbored within its sweaty armpit confines. I, Xerxes, Ja’Deir, and the others looted the chest and started inspecting the magic circles and looking for secret compartments. Standard operating procedure in CrIsis although I think we were all a little impetuous. We didn’t find anything before we were interrupted by a giant rumbling that came from the Chasm in the previous room. When we headed back down the hallways we found that the Chasm had been completely filled with stone and we saw a bunch of Tezcats waiting for us. The aboriginal tribesmen wore little clothing and brandished long, pointy spears we knew were tipped with a paralytic poison. Heathens! Barbarians! Defilers! And not the good kind! I would take great pleasure in eradicating the vitriolic names of their sanguinary gods from off their tongues and out of their hearts!


Before we jump to conclusions perhaps we should try to parley for diplomatic Overtures.

Overkill narrowly avoided being CRUCIFIED by 3 spears — WHOOSH!!!! Their intent is HOSTILE!!!! Deductively reasoned the shit out of that one didn’t we? There’s no room for softness when mortality is at stake.

Jidian loosed giant electrified crazy arrows and downed 2 aboriginal tribesmen!

Ja’Dier chitters excitedly, as if he just found an acorn in his pocket!!!!! He moved to wade into melee combat.

The Tezcats were routed and we pursued them down a shaft-like corridor.

Ja’Dier said to the group, “Let’s finish this creature off! He’s terrorized this jungle for far too long!!!!”

We came to a giant tree that had fallen over on its 20ft tall side.

Note to self — let’s get some amulets of telepathy.
Note to self — let’s ask Malkin, the Oriflammes, and pray for guidance to see what we can do to stop the Dark’s minions from teleporting away from us using the Cynopolis amulets.

We slogged through the decimation of more aborigine Tezcats and though I took no pleasure in vanquishing them I began to feel less remorse and even less pity for them. The strong conquer the weak. Regardless of whose team you play for and which side wins. These people were no more innocent or guilty than the thousands before them we have felled and hewn and slain without mercy. Deliverance. We mete out the judgment of the gods. And…a bunch of people got paralyzed. I cast a Chain Lightning bolt into our enemies and watched them electriFRY into crispy little TezcatNUGGETS.

I whispered softly to Trannyin Elemental, “Tranny, my elemental bro…er, sister. Thank you for your service. I will summon you once again when we are in need. Before you go. Please lend me some of your mystical energy that I may continue to serve our Elemental Mother. You have my heartfelt gratitude and my admiration. Thank you for your continued service.” And then I dismissed her.

Father I am curious what your thoughts are on Elemental Essence Fragments. Tranny has been my long-standing friend, companion, and battle-ready aid. She commands the balance of the Elemental Air spells that I neglected to learn (you know, all those lower level ones that might be useful but that I never had the stick-to-it-iveness to actually commit to memory. I find myself relying on her less and less, however. Otto’s role has expanded. He seems to be blessed by Bennu…and blessed by the Choker Collar of Protection from Thoth. The St. Bernard has been channeling Fire Warlockry and he and I have bonded unlike anything I’ve ever felt before. Is this the famed Familiar Link I have read about between Wizards and their pets?

We got jumped while passing a tree and pursuing the next piece closer to the nexus. Overkill flew up in the air 60ft and shot his crossbow with a critical shot of lightning arrow and fried a guy where he’s standing!


We finally got to a cave and cast lightning bolts on the railroad tracks. We vanquished some animated dead and then stopped at an alcove and had a Fireside Chat with Asher and we all talked about our abilities and our contributions to group tactics. I was grilled by a Bizantine Inquisition calling my judgment into question and my motivations and my commitment to being a team-player. Surprising, really, but life goes on. I’ve always been independent. To the best of my abilities I am committed to working in accordance with group planning and leadership. However, I was summoned here by Bennu, to be her champion, for a reason. And that reason is clear — to use my best judgment and to lend my abilities in the best manner I know and to the greatest effect in the assumption and retrieval of the missing pieces of the god, Osiris. I have never strayed from this purpose. My actions may seem erratic and unplanned and even dangerous to my companions but that’s only because they ARE. Does Bennu collar the River of Lava? Shall Tyvernos yoke the Raging Storm? Will CrIsis bridle the stampeding horses in an attempt to corral forces that roil and seethe and surge beyond control? These are forces of nature. I, Tyvernos, semi-humble Beckoner to the Wild Energies of Fey am merely an extension of the forces I serve. I serve them. I serve Bennu foremost among the Gods of Light. I do not serve CrIsis. CrIsis serves the Pantheon of Light. Should my actions ever directly conflict with the aims and intentions of the Pantheon of Light then I will humbly submit to their censure and rebuke.

My loyalty is unquestionable. My methods are unorthodox. The results are compelling. All I can hope to do is educate and inform my friends of my abilities so that we may better coordinate our efforts in the future. To change who I am? To act in such a way that is directly contrary and contradictory to my nature…THE NATURE…that, alas, is impossible. I am that I am.

We got a pigeon letter from the Agent who informed us that he now has the last two members of CrIsis True Names — Tyvernos and Indaris. He has also killed Oric Bellode, my dear friend. We were also informed that the Agent’s treachery would be taking a hiatus since it clearly wasn’t getting the job done. Bes will be stepping in and attempting to fuck us in our pot-bellied GOATASSes with his midget-sized pygmie-dwarf dick. LET THE INSANITY ENSUE!?!?

Dearest Mother, Father, pray, I beseech thee! What may I do to protect myself from the uses of my True Name? Is there any recourse? The priest, Indaris, has unwittingly allowed my true name to fall from the lips of his Doppleganger and into the ears of the Agent of the Pantheon of Dark.

Otto looked at me and said – your dudes…. your problem

I said very calmly that I didn’t intend to attack anyone. Although I thought about giving Indaris a wet-willy for about half a second if I could reach that high without standing atop the St. Bernard.

Tyvernos feels befuddled…looks at Otto — and the dog does not condone taking violent action against a friend. The sad-panda face on the St. Bernard reminds the Gnome that he has much to appreciate of the Priest and that he deserves forgiveness.

Indaris: Im sorry, with the resources that have been sent at us it was only a matter of time, this way a construct was destroyed to get the info rather then our family members. How long would my mother last to the torture before they gave up my name

Tyvernos sighs. My friend, my companion, my Goddess, my wits are tested, my mettle is stretched thin, and my emotions are frail and brittle and I feel lost. I must meditate on this. Your love and compassion and fortitude steel my resolve. Please, help me find forgiveness for my friend and fellow CrIsis member, Brother Indaris

Tyvernos begins to cry but he’s got steely resolve in his eyes. He nods once to Otto through the tears and gathers Tranny and Otto in for a big group hug…

Jidian says, “You are far stronger than I then and I hope you forgive us for not being able to meet your expectations and be the as strong as we should.”

Love Always,

Your son, Tyvernos

Written by Tyvernos on…an unknown date, in the 69th year of the Wolfen Empire.

Picture by Indaris“ChaosFissure”:
Picture by jerry8448
Picture by Omernik
Picture by JoseArias

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