Freedom

There is nothing now restraining me.

I awoke that morning with more than a little tripidation. The previous day had seen the death of our Captain, only to see him revived by the diminutive Warlock. That person gives me the creeps, but what can you do?

I knew, maybe for the first time in my life that I would not be accepted by a group of people I was with. Maybe I’d known it even before this moment, as my actions of the previous day attest, but I knew, without any doubt, that I would never truly be a member of CrIsis. Even at his worst, Rell held a better place in their hearts.

I’m not going into the dark thoughts that assailed me as I sat in my cabin. I only know that it took everything I had not to give into my aggression and just begin attacking the members of CrIsis.

After only fifteen minutes, I realized that sitting in my cabin all day was going to do nothing for my mood. I went up on deck and took a place at the fore of the ship and sat there to meditate on the horizon. I smiled. I’d always looked to the horizon and wondered what was out there. While the rest of my tribe back in the wastelands worried about their next meal, I had fasted and simply meditated, even then.

When the change took me I knew I would get the opportunity to go out and see what was beyond the hills. Even if it wasn’t on land, there is a glorious feeling attached to the horizon. It is nostalgia condensed into a diamond and thrust into my heart.

I could hear the wind singing in the rigging and again I smiled. The wind drove the ship, but it wasn’t a part of the ship. The wind was necessary to the yar of the vessel. The vessel could deny the wind, but the wind still got its way.

Could I really be that wind? Apart from, yet moving with this CrIsis? I would have to see. The weather wasn’t always to my liking, but I spend every day out on that deck, and every day I meditated on what it meant to be the wind.

I would have to be almost invisible as well. The wind’s presence is felt, but it is never seen and rarely heard.

This would be the most difficult challenge I had ever undertaken for my god. Osiris give me strength. Can I actually suppress my inclination to teach, especially where it is unwanted?

They had given me to teaching the novices for so many years that I feel so empty without people relying on me directly. I am almost lost without people trusting me.

That is my challenge, though. I must be here, and help this quest, and not be the center. I must be the wind.

I think I was finally getting it by the time that we actually made it to our first destination.

There is something about dwarves that I just don’t like. I can’t put my finger on it, but it is a worm in my brain that wont go away. I know, I pride myself on being tolerant of other races, but dwarves…who can really like a dwarf. They are so…I don’t know.

It bothers me that I can’t put a finger on my dislike. I watched their happy faces as they greeted the Captain and still, I could not put a finger on it. Am I really so petty?

Isis again appeared before us as the celebration to Ra. I showed her my reverence by appearing before her naked. I have nothing to hide from any thinking being on this planet. She castigated us for not considering the Glaive in our choices of place to go. I accepted her chastisement well.

And not soon enough we were again free upon the waves. I breathed deeply to get the stink of dwarves out of my nostrils. Could it be that I actually relished the thought of our Captain being killed by the assassin? That thought struck me hard in the chest, and gave me even more to think about.

What was I becoming? Who was I? Was I really this bigoted person that I was only now beginning to realize I was?

It bore more thought, so I meditated upon this as we continued to travel.

As we traveled, many things sought to break into my meditation. We resolved all of them easily, save for a flight of gryphon.

Those we dispatched quickly, but not before a couple of our number took hard hits from the creatures. I wondered what these were doing so far away from their natural homes. And over open water as well. There is something strange occurring to CrIsis, but what exactly it is, I don’t yet know, and none of the others will wish to speak with me about this. It seems I am on my own to consider the possibilities of what is happening to us.

A freak storm arose and consumed the ship. I think there was something magical about the storm, as when it finally left I were beached on an island, our sails and food gone. It will take teamwork, I think, to survive this ordeal in front of us.

I just worry that the shattered CrIsis doesn’t have it in them to succeed.

Posted by S’Erith on the 28th of Selestra in the 21st Year of Emperor Voelkian Itomas II.

Image courtesy of Wikipedia