Jungle Juggle Jiggle the Jism Jingle Jangle

A Log…Rebuilt

Uncle Firsar,

Ahhh…the clutches of the Fezcap Mecrodancer! What a bosom! Cradled as closely as Utu’s embrace. The crescent naught but a scythe through the memory of trees. Dead leaves have fallen and cloak the ground in a blanket of morbid warmth. Yes, autumn is here again to put all forms of life to an end.

Evidently, CrIsis decided it was a good idea for me to summon a lesser elemental before we go any further into this cave. It’s a good thing my brain was out-to-lunch. There’s no “free lunch” y’know. Whew! The mind sure wanders in this endless jumble ofjungle and caves. It’s a network of red-rimmed rime-slimed and Tezcat Goo-go-boo-hoo!

The group engaged more undead with fresh bone clubs (meat and marrow still oozing from them) while I attempted the ritual summoning. Asher lost his dagger through the giant opening in the floor and folks started to fall through until they remembered they could fly. We started digging a hole after we realized that we couldn’t find Asher’s weapon but the finger DID point to the next nearest piece of Osiris (besides the ones that Ja’Deir and Xerxes wield). The finger pointed slightly down but not as much of a steep angle as it did before.

Ja’Deir says: “I sense a disturbance in the force!”

Skeletons appeared and began attacking us! We were in the belly of the beast!

Bennu, I shouted, Bless Otto’s attack in a flaming strike of your furious furry vengeance! And Otto soared through the air with critical success and crashed through the skeleton in a hail of molten fury and wreathed in fiery brimstone. Otto the Blazing Firefox charged and howled with a bellow that shook the very stone.

! ! ! H u z z a h ! ! !

We moved on to the next room and the HOT DOG (thank you Xerxes) WAS ON FIRE!!!! Bennu blessed his next incredible charge and he literally battering rammed the next skeleton and crushed with incinerating explosive force like a fiery furry bowling ball to boney bowling pins!


We smashed on through the NEXT TWO ROOMS!!! Destroying all in our path until we got a chance to start inspecting the cavern. Overkill and I were able to concur with Asher in the respect that these mines are Dwarven in nature. I asked Xerxes what he remembered about history and when the Dwarves might have been in the Yin Sloth Jungle and why they might have been digging here. We stopped to check continuously with the finger to reaffirm our correct direction…until we stumbled upon a giant flowing pool of blood when Asher wanted to drink from the pool. Apparently lapping blood is for kobold pups as lapping milk is for Wolfen. Strange customs in a strange land.

We stumbled onward further — massacre more undead! One hit kills! Until we found a giant diamond encased in stone! A veritable fortune! We took some diamonds but I kinda didn’t care — and we found some stairs and began to descend. We continued to slog through battle after battle and eventually came to a dead-end. The finger continued to point toward the dead-end and we used advanced math to ascertain just how far it was outside the walls of our current subterranean prison using a method of triangulation. Uh oh! The next piece was still a mile away! I’m convinced, now, that had we not used the Safe Travel drama card that this journey would have taken the better part of the Minion War. Perhaps the better part of our lives.

We headed back to our last dead-end tunnel and continue past the impasse. Ack! SUPER MUMMIES!!! JA’DEIR GOT A NATURAL 20 BUT THE MUMMY WAS UNAFFECTED?!?! SHIT!!!! I played a “drama card” and the gods rethought the entire exchange. Allowing him to flip a coin — 50/50 — for either a SUCCESSFUL CRITICAL SUCCESS OR A FAILED CRITICAL SUCCESS!!!!

We then concentrated on downing the other mummy — no easy task to unwrap the wrappings. At which point I promptly dropped dead from exertion. I can’t even remember the last time I slept — let alone meditated. Fuck this jungle. Fuck it.


Written by Tyvernos on…an unknown date, in the 70th year of the Wolfen Empire.

Picture by Saryth Chareonpanichkul
Picture by Gregory Fromenteau
Picture by Amy Parks
Picture by boobtastic

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