I am the Great Pretender



Magic is a wonderful thing, pity mine didn’t work during the labyrinth (will have to talk to the alchemist who sold me those rings methinks) but they are fine again thank the gods, and I’m getting good use out of them too. First was an amazing few days with Crisis actually becoming a performing group and surprisingly, they are pretty good at it too. The gnome has a pretty good voice that he could improve with professional training but is still usually pretty good, the dwarf is pretty good at dirges and an adept hand, and dare I say it, better at throwing axes then I, and the Troll, er … Is pretty hard … er is a slave driver … um … Is good at his job, and keeping others focused on what we are supposed to be doing.

and truly keeps people entertained with his particular skill set, and people kept coming er arriving every night to see us, so I can say we are a hit.

Yeah and my stench is gone, and stench doesn’t even come close to the smell that stuck to me in the Labyrinth, Grignak somehow communicated with THE GODS and he got shown how to cleanse us, and following his instructions in the ritual he proved not even the ultimate stink is immune to the powers that be. Unfortunately my Kankoran friend now seems to be a goblin, and he doesn’t seem to distressed by it, but he was a pretty stable fellow (I had fun trying to rock his boat a little) and just seems to be taking it as one of those things, maybe even a test from the gods, and I tell ya, having a polite goblin around has had a few heads shaking.

After the Labyrinth shenanigans where the Golden One (Oh yeah, I collected a few of his hairs that we can undoubtedly sell off later) saved the kidnapped children we made our way onwards, and after meeting some kraken which I am truly sick of eating and taking some damage we pulled into the port of the two axe tribe, and we got a pretty friendly greeting and we ended up at the wet wolf where we put on the show I mentioned before, Torrun surprised us with his culinary skills and cooked and served food amongst the many other things he was doing, and Ursus was blessing people at the Bar, which considering him, surprised people too, I think they were just stunned when he came up to them and then rather than saying ME URSUS ME PULL OFF YOUR ARMS, instead he says, Excuse me, Sir, Madam – Have you heard the word of the gods today. I think shock held a few there in disbelief, however later on in the night he would proselytize to any that would listen, including animals. Lets just say there will lots of tales spread from this tavern, and a lot of it will be true.

Torrun also tried to play cupid as well and turned up one evening with a proper looking gnome, I’m not saying Willy doesn’t look dashing in his outfit but he is obviously a rogue, whereas this Lady gnome seemed like a quality lady, she reinforced this feeling when after a couple of moments of Willy talking to her she left, but she must also be clever, because there was no better way to attract Willy’s attention, and he them seemed to go out of his way to find and I guess court her because they did come in together a few times after that. Her Name was Kitty Licker, I guess childhood as a gnome must be very different as the 2 gnomes I know I would have had an unhappy time growing up with the names that they have, but I guess double entendre’s are the way gnomes are named. Anyway she was some officer on a ship, and Willy seemed to truly regret it when we parted ways.

We headed off to Me’zfii Onh, in the Dragon’s Claw, the last port of call where our humongous ship can actually dock, and even though we left before hand, Kitty’s ships overtook us. Willy flew over on the eagle he flies around on and they had their last day of fun before work.
Then we met the Kraken, looks like they had just polished off a ship, but we are pretty confident it wasn’t the ship that Kitty was on, but just as the fight started looking grim the goblin concentrated on his spear and stabbed the Kraken and it squealed like a stuck pig (that also might have been Ursus ripping a tentacle off or Torrun cutting a tentacle off – who knows) and then slowly slid back under the water.

and now we eat calamari – yay.

We finally made it to Me’zfii Onh and land (and beef)

We had to row to shore because our boat was to big, which we did easily enough and we landed, the town was a mix of new ramshackle buildings and tents around what looked to be a core of older better built buildings, this town was overflowing with refugees. When we approached a few people recognised Grignak and Ursus and a cry went out, I understood that, but then they started blaming us for Destroying their homes, and we were like, er… you sure that was us, and which homes, or prove it. I was moved by their plight ad pledged the 10k gold to help them, but when they started bitching and moaning that they were displaced raiders from when Xerx’ses destroyed Terosh-by-the-sea i was thinking more lets hang the bastards and be done with it, they have caused plenty of unhappiness with their actions, and I changed my pledge to help the original members of the town, whom I truly pitied, as these raiders were even complaining that the gold we were going to give them wouldn’t get them anything and they are too lazy to hunt for themselves and then I got it, the gods were punishing them for being raiders or something, so I was content to leave them, so we moved into the town proper to help the people who wanted and needed help that something happened and a massive fire broke out, I used my ring of fire extinguishing to help keep the flames down but there was too much fuel and it just started burning again, as someone called down rain and the crowds started screaming and running I noticed that someone I couldn’t see started stabbing me, so I called down the thunder which stunned people to give me a moment, and then as the stabbing continued i told everyone to get down, this was going to get ugly.


Image Credits:
Pub fromRPG Ambiance
The wedding photos were captured by Russian photographer Olga Barantseva
Kraken fromLDN-RDNT on deviant art


8 Responses to “I am the Great Pretender

  • “Lets just say there will lots of tales spread from this tavern, and a lot of it will be true.” That’s probably the best way to say it.

    • even the greatly exaggerated ones will be true 😉

  • Lots of great lines, but my favorite is Terosh-by-the-sea. I enjoy Merkl’s logs.

  • It also seems that Merkl has been reading old Overkill logs- please see The Ruse and Chips Ahoy.

  • “Excuse me, Sir, Madam – Have you heard the word of the gods today” No, not the line you expect from a giant BearTaur. What can I say, I’m a romantic.

    • I can just imagine the people at first sitting at the bar, white faced and nodding and agreeing to everything you say, and then when you look away bolting for the door.

  • That kraken picture with the ship is epic and I love the log!

    • Its such a cool pic, and I think described our situation a little.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.