Pirates And Priests

The battle of the Gods


I want to tickle your mind with stories of me Overkill the pirate.

Life on the Red Beard was interesting. For the most part I and the crew were indulgent on the luxuries that our employer would allow as long as we followed the admonition that there never be a left needlessly taken. All the wealth of Bizantium’s Sea was ours as well as their ports but the family was to receive 20%. I loved the sea and despite my father was never caught, though we had some close encounters. The reputation of the Red Beard was not always a strong one and because we didn’t kill all that much, we kept out of the limelight most of the time. We would trade with barbarians and Wolfen, raise hell and sing songs about it, big boys with big toys is what Kat Kall would call it (our resident Psi-Mystic). She was musically talented and would play for the crew on a squeeze box. Back then I didn’t know the accent but know that I have been to Timiro. I understand it better. I understand it better from when Clena and Higan would be called dirty birds for attempted to look at the women changing. Good times.

My orcs were quiet and to them selves at times speaking their funny language to each other but quickly correcting themselves when I or my staff got too close to listen. On the ship I had four orcs on board. As I recall, I got along with two of them but the other two were so aloof and private that out of fear of mutiny I would separate them. I had races of all kinds, humans, dwarves, elves, orcs and gnomes. Each had their own purpose. The ones that had to do the dirty work was the orcs though I think I favored one over all the others. His name was Moibandner (don’t attempt to pronounce it and hurt yourself) I couldn’t pronounce either. I just called him Meep. A simple minded man who did everything I asked and did it with a smile. I was so impressed with him I taught him Northern. Mind you it was a radiometry version that children know but he did well. I just hope that King Bafag didn’t kill all the orcs aboard the ship when he took it. Then again Bennu said that everyone that I am talking to you about is alive so perhaps he didn’t though where they are and what they are doing is a mystery to me.

I know that the best way to tell our story is though tales and myths. One of the first and most dangerous adventures that we went on was the siege of Gregory Lamrith. Apparently it was our team that got the young prince exiled and put the young family in the hole. I have to admit that it was so much fun pants-ing the whole lot of them and freeing them of their bloomers and trousers that I could not stop laughing. Not only did The Cute and I order them to take off their undergarments and knickers and trousers but we also took all of their wealth aboard the ship. Hey I gave them an opportunity to have an orgy without excuses. Then again, I have changed. I am bettered behaved… but it was still funny.

I wonder if young Gregory has been removed from exile with the new king and all or if he is now attempting to gain favor with the rebels and raising an army of his own. After all Minishmee was aboard at the time this took place. Then again he was a young man and more background then participant. Who knows.

I know that you are perhaps impressed that I am actually writing more often. I must tell you of the death of the death of the priest of Kaash. Cava has been avenged and his family can rest in peace. The blood of that man has been spilled and the debt repaid for all the horrid things that he did. Though it creates a vacuum of power in Kaash, I am certain that the surrounding cities do not mind.

See here it goes, on our way of of Kaash we were stopped by the Night Watchman who as it turned out was a dragon creature. Well, he says that we need to pay homage to the city for the brief stay. I still am amazed that people didn’t blink of our covered in blood and smell of feces. We should have known that the town was full of scum and villainy.

Well we go to see the book keeper or what ever the hell this clown was and me and my big mouth cost us some precious coin and it turns out. I should of cut him down where he stood, Thoth damn it. Never the less, I kept my mouth shut and because of our little bar fight earlier that day, the matter was considered resolved and the debt paid.

When we flew to the Rivendyne to meet the priest, the following morning the terms of combat were established and the combat began with both parties naked and with no weapons. The terms were simple, no magic, no weapons, no armor, just fists. Well I have never played ‘punchies’ to the death but there they were with as much clothes as the day they were born ready to punch each other.

It was not long. It was about three to five punches before the priest went down for good and the ranger sat on him and wailed on him to death. From the sidelines both men and gods watched as the priest breathed his last. The look of the gods faces were a treat and blessing to witness especially Anubis face when his champion lost. We were momentarily distracted when Cava’s clothes magically reappeared and the losing team left.

My crew was not allowed to play ‘punchies’ as the gnomes ended up the blunt of the challenge. Someone would end up with a missing eye or missing teeth and the priest would have to heal them and the culprits would end up in the galley for a day or two to think about what they had done.

The party after the fight was epic. The whole town was there and it was all paid by a man named William (not related to the last William in my last message). This keeper insisted on paying for the festivities. Townsfolk from all over came with food and drink, cheering and playing music. Thankfully we had got a chance to bathe the day before this party otherwise it would not of been so fun.

While we were making merriment, I was approached by a human who looked vaguely familiar and I was right; he was my priest from the Red Beard. He had heard of the fight and was going to visit the victor when he had heard that I was there. He asked to meet me alone but I knew CrIsis policy and had Cava follow close.

It was in the dark that Korar (he was known as Preachs, kind of like peaches, on the ship) comes to me and congratulates me and asks what I have been up to. I tell him a little of what I was doing and asked him to convert to Thoth and as I am breathing the dear man took off his robes and converted right then and there. I then commissioned him to go to Bizantium and help out his king, my cousin, Mini. He looks squarely in my eyes and then without a second word begins his trek to his home to do his captain’s bidding. I kid you not. I knew that Anhur was going to be mad that he lost a priest and that Thoth would be grateful so I said a prayer as the man was leaving that Thoth would watch over his new lamb. I love doing this quest for the gods. I certainly will miss it when its done.

Oh one more thing, Gavin has grown now two more inches. He is certainly getting bigger. Maybe he will start growing some ‘man’ hair. Who knows?

Written by Overkill on the 19th of Corg the 1st year of King Minischmee.

Picture from Man to man Alliance.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.