Rell’s Penance

For I have sinned

From the Journal of Rell, written using Eastern Phonemes and Fairyspeak words.

It feels as though I have been reborn into a life that I never thought I had lost.

It is my wont to spend the time that I take each evening to record the events of the day past, but not this day, and I am unsure if I can ever again simply record events without sitting and thinking about my actions in them.

Was that the cause for the dream that I so recently escaped from? Nightmare is closer to the mark,

I know not if my lady sent me this dream, I only know that it feels a true dream. Or is it a vision.

I will let each of you, my potential readers, decide this for yourselves. Ok, so, maybe I’ll not start right this moment, but begin with an observation. Have you ever noticed that dreams simply seem to make sense? No matter how strange they become, or how many cats seem to be walking around in your best breeches and eating your cheese, you accept it as reality.

There were no cats in breeches in my dream.

There was, however, an open expanse upon which were written the details of my life. Some things that were written fairly glowed with life and happiness. Some things, however, were darker than the pit that Anubis uses in place of a heart.

The further I traveled in this expanse, the more of these dark places there were until there was nothing but darkness.

In the midst of the darkness, a voice called out to me. It was a voice of thunder and pain. It told me how happy it was that I’d finally joined it in this darkness, and how alone it had been waiting for me here.

I recognized the voice as my own.

This did not end my dream, much as I would have liked it to.

I was next walking the streets of a city that I’d never before seen, but accepted as being Haven. I watched as the darkness with which I had infected my soul consumed that city. It was my darkness, of this I have no doubt. It consumed every person in that city one by one, and street by street until the only thing left in that city was the temple guarding Osiris’ Heart. Then even it was engulfed, and even that pure light was snuffed out.

Then places and peoples were one by one taken over and consumed by that darkness.

My heart rebelled at this. How could a being as insignificant as I cause this much destruction? I did not have the power to cause this. I do not have the power.

And then I saw it. A book. A book with the writings of CrIsis in it. A book that even now I continue to create more text for. And I saw the effect that my writings and attitude would have upon the people who read if I gave myself over to the powers that would destroy everything that I hoped to build.

But I realized there were light places in my soul as well, and I asked Apis, for I felt her guiding hand in all of this, what would happen if I tapped into those feelings in my writings.

I saw a different world, or maybe just the one where we live. I saw people gain hope in their lives as not only my own writings, but all of the writings of CrIsis, touched the parts of them that most matched the members of CrIsis that they resembled.

There was still injustice, but in every city in the land there glowed beacons of hope.

I did not hear anything from my goddess, but I did feel reproof at my behavior. I have argued, and insulted. I have looked down upon my fellow travelers.

I have failed in the task that Apis herself gave me in joining this party.

I was supposed to be a source of calm insight and reconciliation, and I was a source of contention.

In this I apologize to my fellows, and vow here and now that I shall again follow the path that Apis chose for me in the midst of this rabble I like to think of as my friends.

Posted by Rell at dawn on the 9th of Thoth.

Picture from The Quillcards Blog

2 Responses to “Rell’s Penance

  • Wow…The strangeness within Rell makes Ursus look down right normal. I mean Ursus has some serious issues going on inside him, which he is still dealing with, but…WOW, reading this…Something else entirely…

  • We all truly loved the strange and wonderful Rell- it was sad to see him go.

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